"Yesterday I went in to work, still feeling out of sorts but happy just to be out of the damn house and relatively productive. Every once in a while I'd prod my belly and think, "Hmm, tender." After a quick Google of "tender belly," really out of curiosity more than anything else, I came up with a mildly horrifying list of fatal ailments that boast tender belly as a symptom. So I called my doctor to set up an appointment.

After getting shuttled through the requisite 42 secretaries and receptionists, a nurse started asking me questions about my symptoms. She asked if I still had my appendix, and when I told her I did, she disappeared from the phone for ten seconds, came back and said, "The doctor wants you to go to the emergency room. Right now."

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