Since the rumors have been spreading for about 25 minutes now I figured I should come forward and make a statement. Today, around noon specific time, I purchased spandex. Everyone I know who has been temped by these padded spandex shorts that you wear under normal clothes for bike riding has told me that this simple piece of clothing changed their lives. I've resisted even considering it, because, well, it's spandex. However today, while at the bike shop where I had no intention of buying anything, I saw the exact padded bike shorts I'd heard tell about marked down almost 50% off and I gave in. I bought them. I bought spandex. In my fragile mental state I admitted this lapse of judgment to my former good friend Michael Baffico over Instant Messenger who wasted no time sending the photo you see here out to almost everyone I know 10 minutes later. The ones I bought are actually a little more like this but I'm sure there's an unhealthy serving of fantasy in that pic as well. Anyway, I just wanted you all to hear it from me before you saw it on the Daily Show or heard it whispered on NPR. Yes, it's true. I now own spandex. I'm so ashamed.