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I'm probably going to break this site tomorrow, just a heads up. I'm moving off one box to a different hosting account and I'm fairly certain I'm going to fuck something up. If you read this site via RSS and stop getting updates, swing by the site in a few days and see if the URL has changed. I hope it won't, but I'm pretty sure all these Movable Type entries are going to be rendered static as I'll be switching to WordPress and don't want to reinstall MT, and can't figure out how to port the archives. Blah.

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(Mitzi on Oct 14, 2007 8:33 AM) You were missed, but there's always next time. Wish I had some tips for you about the switch, but unfortunately I'm really good at fucking things up when it comes to websites so me not offering any help is probably most helpful.

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That's what this test says about me. I tried really hard and couldn't see her dancing in the other direction, though I'd say the description is only partially right. [via Tech Yum]

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(caryn on Oct 13, 2007 4:51 AM) Spatial perception? What, do you think you can pack well or something? :)

(Scott Blake on Oct 13, 2007 9:22 AM) My naked dancer was turning clockwise as well.

(Jason D- on Oct 13, 2007 9:54 AM) Clockwise for me as well. Hello righties!

(Jason D- on Oct 13, 2007 10:04 AM) With a little work I got her to spin the other way. Close your left eye and focus on the shadow of her foot and it's easy. You force the left brain to take over and she flips.

(sean bonner on Oct 13, 2007 10:19 AM) Nope.. still can't get her to do anything but spin clockwise. Grrrr

(Jo on Oct 13, 2007 4:10 PM) Scary. My dancer kept stopping and reversing order -- clockwise, then counterclockwise, etc.

(jm on Oct 13, 2007 5:46 PM) Someone sent this to me a few days ago and I saw both directions as well. Each time I look away and look back it switches. On first glance it told me that I was left-brained, which I know isn't true.

(Kath on Oct 13, 2007 7:48 PM) She was spinning both ways for me. So what does that mean?

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I'm not yet sure how I feel about this news. [via SGNW]

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(Casey on Oct 11, 2007 1:11 PM) WTF? No wait... WTF?

(Mitzi on Oct 11, 2007 3:05 PM) Psh, old news. I'll probably see it... but I'm not gonna like it.

(jm on Oct 11, 2007 3:27 PM) Boycott.

(Chunk on Oct 11, 2007 4:54 PM) http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1425/1421/400/goonie-page.jpg

(Chunk on Oct 11, 2007 4:55 PM) http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1425/1421/1600/goonie-page.0.jpg Character design by Stephen Silver

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That amazing photo of Ariel Waldman, me and Violet Blue was taken at Arse Elektronica by Scott Beale / Laughing Squid. I totally love it. My much crappier photos of the event thus far can be found here, the rest of Scott's awesome shots are here. Ariel also has some fantastic ones here.

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Though out the day we spent a good chunk of time talking about choices some people are making, and at least I spent even more time thinking about how we are all faced with these same questions and what direction we decide to run with says so much. It easy to sit back and look at what other people are doing wrong in some situations, because not being a part of them we have a better perspective. But how different can the inside perspective be? I know I've certainly done things that I later wished I'd had the benefit of hindsight to save me the horror of the results, but just as often I've known something was a bad idea, known it was going to end badly, and walked right into it anyway. Why? What was I hoping to get out of it? What are these other people hoping to get out of it?

I was telling my therapist the other day that I never believed the old cliche about it being better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I'm pretty much of the opinion that never having loved at all is way better than having loved and lost. Of course that could just be a grass is greener situation as well - you want the thing you can't have. Either way... these thoughts have been burning in my head all day. When something is a bad idea and you/I/we know that ahead of time, what reason could any of us have for continuing down that path? Because of the short term benefit and enjoyment? Is that good enough? I've got friends in relationships they know aren't going to last (some more obviously than others) yet not only do they not walk away from them, but they keep putting more into them. If you already know there is an expiration date looming in the future, why keep investing?

I do it too so that's not a condemnation, it's a real question. I think a lot of it boils down to just not wanting to admit things to ourselves and others. Mostly ourselves. Other people are way better at accepting our own defeats than we are I think. I know for me personally, I always assume things are going to go over much worse with other people. Then they don't. And then I'm even more mixed up.

Side note, am I the only one that thinks Gabriele Pauli's proposal makes a hell of a lot of sense? She's suggesting that marriages should expire every 7 years, forcing the couple to either renew it for another 7 years, or go their separate ways. Obviously I have a skewed perception on this since I had a marriage that ended after 8 years, but really let's think about this for a second. I was talking to a friend the other day about how I don't think the concept of a single relationship lasting happily ever after is even possible. Of course she invoked the age old examples of parents and grandparents who pulled it off, but my argument is that was then and this is now. In our parents and grandparents times there were no other options - you got married and that was that. You made it work because there was no going back, period. It really truly was "until death do you part." That isn't the case now simply because the idea that people get divorced has circulated, so people think about it, consider it, and now ending things, walking away and starting over is just as viable an option as working them out. Perhaps more so. And you can't undo that, there is no way to remove that idea from the general lexicon. Everyone has a plan B now, one they didn't have X many years ago simply because the idea wasn't as acceptable. Point being if you have no way out, you actually solve the problems because you are stuck with the results. If you know in the back of your head there is an escape route you more frequently ignore or overlook thinks rather than confront them, and eventually they build up to the point when you have no choice left but to walk.

Anyway.

Back to the earlier thought - which is worse? Knowing something is going to fall apart and continuing on and letting it crumble around you? Or using that foresight to put the breaks on before it gets to that nasty part, even if that means convincing someone who might not be as sure of the ultimate demise as you are. I don't know the answer to that one either. Later on, back at Violet's she and I were talking about some other folks and how as much as people complain about long distance relationships for the obvious reasons they are actually pretty ideal in many ways - most notably that they allow you to avoid the "real life" aspects of being around someone all the time. You get to create this fantasy world in your head of what a relationship with that person might be like because when you are around them you have to make sure every moment it filled with awesome, and when you aren't around them you have the benefit of forgetting the negatives and only remembering the bits you want to. Of course this hinges on that relationship staying long distance, because the more you close that gap the less able you are whitewash all of those flaws.

OK, enough rambling for the night. It's 3am and I promised Violet I'd read the intro to Palahniuk's Lullaby before going to sleep so I'm closing the laptop and opening the book. See you all tomorrow.

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(jm on Oct 6, 2007 5:32 AM) "I'm pretty much of the opinion that never having loved at all is way better than having loved and lost." I'm all about the journey: F* the destination. It's never what you imagine or plan anyway. The point is to do it and do it well. The delight is in the striving. That's life near the bone, no? ...And that type of thinking, my friend, is the cause of my ongoing ruin. ;-)

(Mitzi on Oct 6, 2007 8:17 AM) "which is worse? Knowing something is going to fall apart and continuing on and letting it crumble around you? Or using that foresight to put the breaks on before it gets to that nasty part, even if that means convincing someone who might not be as sure of the ultimate demise as you are." I don't think that having the foresight to prevent something from going bad could be a "worse" option. Although, I know for me there is always that question of "what if I'm wrong?" - which I guess is what you're saying. I think a lot of it has to do with self preservation. We want to stop things while we are still enjoying them, before it gets to the point of no return so that we can save ourselves from the inevitable, or at least what we THINK will happen. We're afraid of hurting ourselves again, of making the mistakes we thought we had already learned from. When I was in elementary school (or possibly middle school) one of my teachers used me as an example telling everyone to, "Look at Mitzi, she always THINKS before she acts." I think that's sort of stuck with me since. At first I was proud of the observation, but now I think it's a curse. Personally, I've tried to teach myself to stop thinking. I think much too much about everything and that's what gets me in trouble. In the past few years I've been trying to do what JM above me was suggesting and live "life near the bone." I've tried to take everything people say or do at face value and not over analyze. If they really wanted me to know something I would trust that they would tell me, otherwise I will not go ahead and assume I know what they want or are thinking. This is of course easier said than done because I find myself slipping back into my old ways every once in awhile. Then I have to remind myself that I'm only human and change does not come easy.

(sean bonner on Oct 6, 2007 8:24 AM) "I'm all about the journey: F* the destination" Thanks JM, that actually helps a ton. What the hell am I thinking? I totally agree with that and am pretty good at applying it to every other part of my life but never even thought of how it relates to this. More to think about... "We're afraid of hurting ourselves again, of making the mistakes we thought we had already learned from." Exactly, but it's also reflected on others too. It's not just about protecting yourself, but a matter of thinking "do I want this person to hurt a little bit now or a lot later on?"

(cindylu on Oct 7, 2007 12:17 AM) I think part of it is laziness and reluctance to accept/deal with change. I told a friend recently that most people think having divorced parents messes with your perception of relationships. I think the opposite -- parents and grandparents in long-lasting and loving relationships -- can mess you up too.

(Micki Krimmel on Oct 9, 2007 3:18 PM) If you enter into a relationship thinking about how it's gonna end, you're fucking yourself from the start. Of course the chances of any relationship lasting forever are way more remote than the probability of its demise. That's true of everything. Is lasting forever the only mark of something worthwhile? And how are you defining "doing wrong?" Is it really your place to judge? I think in general, we spend way too much time analyzing the distant outcomes of our actions and way too little time enjoying the now and getting the most out of this moment. Just ask, Is this making me happy? Is this helping me be the person I want to be? If the answers to those questions is yes - right now - then why the hell not? You can't spend your entire life avoiding things because they might turn out badly.

(Kath on Oct 9, 2007 10:07 PM) I blogged about the marriage contract thingy tonite. I am all for year-to-year. I've BTDT for marriage and it is the ONLY way I would ever do it again.

Those Adidas Superstars are not leather, but instead are a knit cloth, maybe really heavy canvas. I've seen them a few times and I *really* want a pair. The problem is I can't find them anywhere and no one seems to even believe they exist. I snapped the above shot at Champ's at the Beverly Center in Los Angeles last week, unfortunately they didn't have my size (I wear an 11) so I couldn't get them. I've asked in other stores and been told there there is no such thing as a non-leather Superstar, and today I went to the Adidas store in San Francisco the not only didn't they have them, but they'd never heard of them either. They aren't on the Adidas website and I'm having no luck finding them elsewhere online. Anyone have any leads or suggestions?

UPDATE: Zadi found them!!!!! AWESOME!

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(Zadi on Oct 6, 2007 2:16 AM) I found them for you: http://tinyurl.com/27uszc

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I'm in San Francisco this weekend for Arse Elektronika which is really just an excuse to see friends who are in town and I don't get to see enough. I'm missing a pretty fantastic bike ride in LA tomorrow though which has me a little bummed, but as Will noted it looks like it'll be a rather hilly route and since I'm now drinking the single speed kool aid it's probably best that forces outside of my control are keeping me away from it. That said, I'm DYING to show off my new bike to everyone in LA, which I guess will have to wait another week.

I've had so many people tell me how much they liked the 100 things post, which is cool and embarrassing at the same time. I forget anyone actually reads this site, which itself is a good thing to some extent. Reading back over the list I can't believe I actually wrote some of that. Not that it's not true, it all is, but that I put it on the internet. But there you have it.

I've been thinking a lot about what I wrote in #84. I don't want to think that, but find myself falling back into it pretty easily. It actually pairs up with #69 quite nicely. It's going to be an awesome day when I can just leave well enough alone and let something good happen for once. Unfortunately I don't foresee that day being too close. I'm being especially guarded on all fronts which has it's own set of fun side effects. I guess trying to do something different is the first step, but knowing how to take that step sure would be nice. I guess knowing you are going to get hurt makes things hurt just a little less when they eventually get to that point, but it's no more fun. And of course leaves me asking if the means justify the end. If I know something is going to end badly, how good does it have to be until then to make that worth while? I don't even pretend to know the answer to that. Hell, I don't know what I'm talking about with any of this honestly. I do know I honestly don't want to hurt anyone, most of all me.

2007 has been a motherfucker. I really can't wait for it to be over.

I removed some folks from some contact lists tonight. I was really hard to do, but a really important step I think. Tomorrow will be better, I keep telling myself that. One of these days I'm going to be right.

OK, enough emo bullshit for the moment. I picked up an iPod Touch the other day. You know, the one that looks like an iPhone:

Basically it's all the cool stuff on the iPhone but without the crappy phone and camera parts. I'm looking at it more as a laptop replacement than a music device honestly. The thing that sold me was the inclusion of wifi, a real version of Safari, and the size. That combo means I can throw it in my pocket and carry it around all day and do most of the things I used to lug my laptop everywhere for. I've talked a lot this year about trying to use more and more web apps and Gmail and Google Calendar both work flawlessly on there. Google Docs is still a bit sketchy but I've heard that is being addressed already. Anyway, I'm delighted and since so much of what I do is done in a browser anyway, this just makes perfect sense for me. And if I can listen to some music of watch a movie with it as well, even better.

I've been listening to a lot of Fugazi all the sudden for some reason. I don't think I really spent enough time with the last few albums when they came out but I threw them on in the background the other day and fell right back in love with 'em. Damn those guys wrote some good songs.

I'm falling asleep typing which I think is a sign to cut this off. Now where is that cat?

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(Clintus McGintus on Oct 5, 2007 6:52 AM) You damn right people read your shit. And you always have something to say worth saying. So keep doing it man.

"Tim Ferriss, author of The Four Hour Work Week has started a new site with the goal of raising $1M for education in the month of October. He’s calling on bloggers everywhere to use their powers for good and I’ve jumped on board because let’s face it, we’re getting our asses kicked by the rest of the world in education and if we don’t do something soon the US is going to be in a world of hurt in the next 10 to 20 years. I set up a pledge page that you can use to pick some of the great DonorsChoose charities out there and will be adding more and more as time permits."

For more info check out LitLiberation, DonorsChoose and the Bloggers Challenge. We're trying to help via a Metroblogging pledge page so if you can check it out.

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(michael #1 on Oct 4, 2007 1:11 PM) Lernifying embiggens us all!

After riding a Kona Mtn Bike for the last 13 or so years I finally took the plunge and switched over to a road bike, and since I was making a major change I figured I'd loose the gears too and go single speed. I wrote more about buying the bike over on blogging.la but after the last several months of Ridazz and Ride Arc I've been realizing what I'm using a bike for these days and how I'm using it. Shifting all over hillsides and dirt just isn't happening anymore. Plus the clean lines of the fixies surrounding me has been very seductive. I oped for single speed with breaks because I'm not that much of a bad ass, but so far I'm loving it. Joi also moved over to a fixie and I can't wait to see what he thinks after a few weeks.

I picked up my bike Saturday night and have been doing a good job of taking it all over the place since then. I rode into work in downtown today from my home in Silver Lake via Glendale Blvd which if you live in LA you know includes a fairly steep and rather long climb that I was scared to death of trying with only one gear but I was able to pull it off and now feel like a hundred bucks. When I was at the shop buying the bike someone came in asking about parking on the street near the shop and TJ at Orange 20 responded that the only thing he knows is he gets a ticket every time he turns his car off in LA. I feel the same way about parking, it costs about $10 a day to drive downtown and since I can pull off the commute via bike for free instead, I think I'm going to try to do it more often.

(FYI that photo shows most of the mods - new pedals, flipflop hub with freewheel, front and back brakes, new stem, riser bars replaced with bullhorns and fancy white cabling and tape to match the rims. After that shot I also swapped out the saddle with the one I had on my Kona but will be looking for a better option soon as well)

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(BWJones on Oct 2, 2007 5:05 PM) Oooh, Shiny.

(Will Campbell on Oct 2, 2007 5:08 PM) It's amazing what you'll be accomplishing with just one gear. There's something about having no option for downshifting that puts you mentally into overdrive. Hope you can make the river ride tomorrow at 7 p.m.

(tk on Oct 2, 2007 8:59 PM) So, ignorant question... how do you decide what gear ratio to go with?

(sean bonner on Oct 2, 2007 9:11 PM) not ignorant at all, you want something that will let you get a good top end speed but not be too hard to start off with. It's actually a lot of trial and error, but I just looked at the gears I was using most of the time on my mountain bike and went with something similar.