i hate the internet

[Previous entry: "brand new old stuff"] [Main Index] [Next entry: "Right on"]

05/02/2002 Entry: "Diary"

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY


MONDAY:

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 PM - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!


TUESDAY:

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 PM - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!


WEDNESDAY:

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 PM - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 PM - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY


MONDAY - My captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects. They dine
lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to
eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me
going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the
occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may
eat another houseplant.

TUESDAY - Today my attempt to kill my captors
by weaving around their feet while they were
walking almost succeeded, must try this at
the top of the stairs. In an attempt to
disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I
once again induced myself to vomit on their
favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

WEDNESDAY - Decapitated a mouse and brought
them the headless body, in attempt to make
them aware of what I am capable of, and to
try to strike fear into their hearts. They
only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according
to plan.

THURSDAY - I am finally aware of how sadistic
they are. For no good reason I was chosen for
the water torture. This time however it
included a burning foamy chemical called
"shampoo." What sick minds could invent such
a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of
thumb still stuck between my teeth.

FRIDAY - There was some sort of gathering of
their accomplices. I was placed in solitary
throughout the event. However, I could hear
the noise and smell the foul odor of the
glass tubes they call "beer.." More
importantly I overheard that my confinement
was due to MY power of "allergies." Must
learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage.

SATURDAY - I am convinced the other captives
are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is
routinely released and seems more than happy
to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The
bird on the other hand has got to be an
informant, and speaks with them regularly. I
am certain he reports my every move. Due to
his current placement in the metal room his
safety is assured. But I can wait,it is only
a matter of time.

sixspace
current exhibition
new in the store

features
thanks
blog
sighted
written
movies
flash
design
resume
history
toys
mailinglist
products
contact

news
obvious: google
basic: msnbc
headlines: fark
gods: onion

blogs
relate: bill
enjoy: wil
cool: metafilter
cooler: boingboing
local: typefiend
distant: fish
tech
read: wired
discuss: slashdot
local: socalwug
updates: versiontracker

politics
soon

toys
almighty: toyboxdx
backup: cjt
evil: yahoojp
new: ninjyoshi
monsters: houseof

invaluable
search: google
rumors: snopes
dirt: smokinggun
info: disinfo
smack: buddyhead

posse
obeygiant
shagmart
glenfriedman
coopstuff
paulfrank
viperpress
giantrobot
deadtech

thanks
combase
newgrounds
punklist

 


FastCounter by bCentral

all crap containted within © 2003 sean bonner. - rip me off and you will be swallowing teeth.