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05/30/2002 Entry: "Treatment #2: Da Sonic Bomb"
Starring: Harrison Ford as Mr. President
Charlize Theron as the really hot power hungry presidential aide
Christopher Walkin as Mr. Vice President
Kid Rock as Mr. President's smart-ass rocker kid
The movie opens with a dude in a future looking high tech outfit and helmet breaking into some secret room with all kinds of high tech secret cool shit and he's stealing some shit off a computer. He puts some junk on a disk then busts out of that place and takes off in this totally kick ass car. But the on the way out the cops see him and there's this huge car chase with three government looking tools chasing the future dude. They're racing around D.C., and someone walking in the night with some bread has totally jump out of the way as they race by and he's like "Ahhhh my bread!!!!." Then the high tech computer file stealing dude makes a quick turn in this alley and just parks and turns off his lights. The cops who are obviously just tools don't even see this and just drive right past him, and he drives off into the night...but where does he go?
Then it's the next day in the oval office in the middle of a meeting with Mr. Vice President and the really hot female power hungry presidential aide and a bunch of nobodies in bad suits and in walks Mr. President and he's like" Last night, this totally evil and ruthless crime syndicate stole super secret government plans to build the biggest sonic bomb of all time." Then the really hot female power hungry presidential aide is like "What's a sonic bomb?" and everyone's looking at her like don't ask the President stupid shit, you dumb bitch... and why the hell are you in here anyway, you dumb bitch, but the President looks her over and he's thinking she's hot and maybe he could get some since he's totally the President, so he's like "The sonic technology we've developed will destroy all living matter in range, while leaving buildings and other material unharmed." Then the hot chick is all "Why would you want to kill all the living life on the range?" and the President is like "not on THE range, IN range." And she's all "In THE Range? A range is a field how can you be in it?" and before Mr. President can respond some other loser is like "Look you dumb bitch! He means anything within reach of the explosion!"
Then in comes some chick and she's all panicked and she's like "Sir, you have to see this!" The whole meeting goes out to this other room where there's a TV and it's showing Philly and the whole city is all quiet and shit and they're saying that like probably so far $50,000,000,000 has been stolen from there, and it's like, oh, shit, then Mr. President is like "Oh SNAP!If they try that on a city that someone actually cares about were in some serious shit." Like 3 seconds later the phone rings and they put it on speaker. The voice on the other end it all computerized and scary sounding from one of those scrambler things and says "Now that we have your attention..."
The voice goes on to say that they want some dudes busted out of jail, and they want them and the pres to fly out to this airport in Montana in exchange for turning over the plans to the sonic bomb. Everyone is all "oh this makes sense, it's a hotage type thing...they totally want to run our shit." But the President is like "well, what choice do we have? They'll just totally clean slate another city." Then the voice on the phone is all "you have two hours to show up or else Detroit or Tampa gets it... the choice is yours." Then some random dude says, "Tampa,!" and the voice is like "No assbrain, we decide what city, you decide if we blow it up by having the Pres show up or not, but since you're such a dumbshit government dude, maybe they'll both get it."
Then the phone is dead. The VP is all thinking and shit and looking skeptical about the plan because that's sort of his job. Later on he's talking to some MIB type and he's all "this dosen't make sense because they already made one bomb and it's not THAT hard so even if they give us the plans back they will still remember pretty much how to make a second or third one, AND since they scored 50 bill when they clean slated Philly, just think how much they could make doing that somewhere with some real cash, AND the dudes they want out of jail were supposed to get out next year anyway." The Government thug MIB guy is all "so what does that mean" and the Vice Pres is like "It means either these dudes are super impatient or this is totally a diversion. Or maybe their buddies in jail had to toss some big black guy's salad and just wants out. But I'm leaning towards it being a diversion."
So everyone decides that the President has to go out to montana, but they'll send a hidden task force along with him and guess who's on that. Right. It's the the really hot power hungry presidential aide and some green berets or whatever. So they bust out the dudes from jail and put them on the plane with the Pres and the hidden task force. So they're on the way to Montana and the VP is back in D.C. talking to the MIB dude "this is weird. The pres is totally bending over for those guys." MIB dude's all, "well, they can pretty much kill everyone," Then the VP is like, "But it's just Detroit or Tampa...he just went along all easy...get your crew together and get us a plane to Motana, but keep it QUIET... wait a second, is there even an airport in Montana?" And the MIB dude is all "YES SIR" 'cuz he's ready to put his MIB skills to the test!
Cut to the Montana base, the Pres and his task force are all there and the high tech thief guy from the first scene shows up, and when he takes off his mask it's the presidents brother! They are all laughing because they think they totally pulled off this big scam.
Then the VP and his team go to Montana and land but no one's around and they find this secret base and go all through the base and he sees the really hot power hungry presidential aide, and she's surprised for a second, but then she's all "Hey, what's up?" and the VP is all "where is your team?" And she's like "We have everything under control, we're right around this dark corner...follow me." And right when they go around the corner she turns around and stabs the VP and her team comes out shooting, so the VP takes her out with a huge karate style kick to the head and she's out cold. The VP is a little hurt but he shakes it off. So they go down the hall through some tricky high tech shit into this big area and there's the Pres. with his hidden task force and the VP with HIS MIB task force, and there's this kind of awkward moment then it goes down like this:
Pres: "What are you doing here?"
VP: "Taking care of business, sir. Making sure this all goes down the way we
Pres: "First of all, it will go down the way I want, since I'm the president.
Secondly, you're the VP and you pretty much are supposed to sit around and do nothing unless I die. Third, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"
VP: "This entire operation has been flawed from the start. There's something going on here."
Pres: "Of course there is." and he says that all sinister.
VP: "Mr. President, you are seriously starting to annoy the crap out of me."
Then the VP is thinks for a sec and realizes that there's no evil and ruthless crime syndicate leader there and that it must be the pres so he's like "GET DOWN!!!" to his MIB crew and they all start running, then the Pres goes all kinds of crazy like and has his secret task force attack the MIB task force and there's this battle and the VP knows for sure that the pres is the head of the totally evil and ruthless crime syndicate so the VP takes out his glock all in slow-mo and puts a bullet in the president's head and the fighting stops for now. The VP is all "See, that's how it's done! You thought that shit only happened in the movies. MIB dude, get me in contact with Washington, sweep this base for the plans to the bomb, we're taking this country BACK! GO USA!" Then everyone's all cheering because they saved the day.
Then they're back in D.C. and the VP is getting sworn in as President and this TOTALLY hot chick comes up to him and she's all "need a really hot power hungry presidential aide?"
Replies: 1 Comment
This is hilarious!
Posted by Jimmy @ 06/20/2002 10:11 PM PST